


That Should Be Me

by Calyxir



Series: TXT Oneshots [2]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Caring Yeonjun, Drabble, Fighting, Fluff, Get ready to cry, M/M, Oblivious Choi Soobin, Oneshot, Sad, Short Story, depressed taehyun, how to tag, i love beomgyu i'm sorry, inspired by justin beiber's that should be me, pining huening kai, rich kid beomgyu, sookai, tae is beom's ex oof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:40:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24716947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calyxir/pseuds/Calyxir
Summary: Huening Kai couldn’t help staring bitterly at Soobin’s hands intertwined with Beomgyu’s, as he thinks, ‘That should be me.’
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin, Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Huening Kai
Series: TXT Oneshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1778350
Comments: 17
Kudos: 40





	That Should Be Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bingkai_dunia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bingkai_dunia/gifts).



> “Hi, can I request a sookai au in which soobin keeps ignoring hyuka’s feelings for him until the latter finally gives up and plans to continue his study in america to forget him? If possible I would like to see an happy ending, thank you :)” from bingkai_dunia on A03 
> 
> [yall are reeeeaaallyyy gonna hate me for this :> i'll post a fluffy one soon enough]

HueningKai’s POV:

**_Everybody's laughing in my mind  
Rumors spreading 'bout this other guy_ **

“Is it true?” I asked Taehyun. The both of us were sat on a wooden bench overlooking a children’s playground. It was a small park near Tae’s apartment.

He couldn’t look at me, couldn’t even look up at the sunset he loves so much. His head was hung low.

I stared blankly at the young souls swinging on the swings and sliding down the neon colored slides. They didn’t have a care in the world, sometimes I wish I were just a kid. A kid who would only worry about their next flavor of ice cream, or where they would hide on the next game of hide-and-seek.

I shuffled closer to him when tears started to brim in his eyes. I engulfed him in a hug.

“Yes… Kai, dammit it’s--” Taehyun sniffled, hanging tighter onto me.

I wore my fluffy sweater on purpose because I knew it would console him the most. He’s always loved fluffy things, especially when it was Beomgyu, his ex.

“Kai?” came Taehyun’s broken voice.

“Yes, Tae?”

“Do you still love _him_?”

“What,” I hid under pretense, “Who?”

Taehyun detached himself from me and cut to the chase.

“Soobin-hyung.”

“… yes.”

Destiny truly wanted them to feel hurt, wanted to show them that the universe was incapable of making them happy.

“Why can’t they just love us back?” Taehyun whispered.

“Because the world doesn’t work that way,” Kai replied.

**_Do you do what you did when you did with me?  
Does he love you the way I can? _ **

I was third wheeling yet again for Soobin and Beomgyu.

“Does it look good on me, Soobin-hyung?” Beomgyu asked, twirling in front of a full body mirror, trying on a trench coat that was _too_ expensive, in my opinion. Not that either of them would mind.

“Of course it does, Beommie~” Soobin cooed, “Everything looks good on you, including me.”

Beomgyu blushed, started to fumble for words and ended up smacking Soobin’s shoulder.

_You know what else looks better with you, Soobin-hyung? Me._

“Why did you go with them? You knew it was a date, Kai,” Taehyun asked when I decided to call him.

“I’ve never missed an outing with Soobin.”

I was balancing my phone between my cheek and shoulder. Beomgyu handed me yet _another_ bag of clothing.

This was surely a mistake, I should’ve just stayed home, or helped Yeonjun with his dancing club—but _no,_ I was _too in love with Soobin to refuse his requests._

I waited for Beomgyu to be out of earshot to reply to Taehyun.

“Hyung, is your ex always making you hold his bags for him?”

“No, I never took him shopping for that same reason,” he said, “What are they up to now?”

My eyes drifted to where the couple were, a few steps ahead of me, Beomgyu clinging onto Soobin’s arm. Soobin placed a quick kiss on Beomgyu’s cheek.

I felt my heart drop to my stomach.

“Hyung, you don’t wanna know.”

~

**_Did you forget all the plans that you made with me?  
'Cause baby I didn't_ **

“Sure, Kai! When exactly?” Soobin asked me when I told him I wanted to hang out and watch the film.

“Next week Thursday?”

“You have my word.”

~

Taehyun and I were waiting outside the theater, three movie tickets and popcorn in hand.

“What’s taking him so long, the movie’s about to start,” I huffed impatiently as I took some popcorn from the pack Taehyun was holding.

Taehyun nearly choked on the snack when Soobin appeared at the far end with _Beomgyu._

 _Are you sh*tting me, universe?_

Taehyun’s expression turned bitter as he snickered, “I though you said _he_ wouldn’t come.”

“Soobin-hyung didn’t tell me about it, okay?” I replied almost as jittery as his friend.

Soobin looked _surprised_ to see me.

“Kai, I didn’t know you’d be here, too what a coincidence!”

“Hyung… we were supposed to watch a movie together… of course I’m here.”

I felt betrayed, _he’s forgotten._ It was unfair, I’ve never forgotten _anything_ about Soobin, because _how could I,_ and he forgot our hang out in a heartbeat.

Soobin was about to reply when Beomgyu, _that insolent trust fund baby,_ interjected, “Uhm, my friend’s birthday is coming up so I brought Soobinnie here to help me pick out a gift.”

Taehyun saw right through Beomgyu’s façade, he knew his ex enough to figure out when he was lying.

“What a coincidence, we were leaving,” Tae said, his face a stark contrast to the snark in his voice as he pulled me away.

~

**_That should be me_ **

**_  
_**“No, Kai. I’ve made it clear that I do _not_ want to see Beomgyu ever again, and if you’re going to hang around with Soobin, I know for sure he’s there too,” Taehyun said angrily. I have successfully pissed Taehyun off, how nice.

“Alright then, hyung--”

“If you called for more advice, then no, I’m advising you not to go to Soobin’s birthday party. I’m sure Yeonjun-hyung can cover for you.”

“But it’s _his_ birthday!”

It was currently the fourth of December, a day before the party, and I already had my best shirt with my jumper prepared.

Taehyun’s line went silent.

“Hyung?”

“I really feel sorry for you, Kai. Stop torturing yourself.”

“Hyung, it’s not torture unless there’s blood involved,” I joked halfheartedly.

“Alright, think what you will. I’m warning you already… I know Beomgyu can feel how you are with his boyfriend… he might deliberately do something to shoo you away.”

“Why do you talk so ill about him?”

“Because he did it to me, he could do it to you too. I wouldn’t be surprised if they break up soon.”

“Hyung…”

“Just… send my regards to the birthday boy, okay?” Without another word, Taehyun hung up.

~

**_Holdin' your hand_ **

Taehyun was right, I almost hated myself for not believing him. When was he ever wrong, anyway? How was this different?

I was beside Yeonjun. Soobin’s family were at another table, and our other friends were littered in different places of the reception _Beomgyu rented for Soobin._

“How much you wanna bet Soobin loves Beomgyu for his money?” Yeonjun asked.

I shook my head. Even with Soobin absolutely wrecking my heart, I still had this instinct to defend him.

“No, that doesn’t sound like him.”

“Hey!” Beomgyu’s voice nearly frightened me as both he and Soobin sat on the empty seats in front of us, Beomgyu snuggling up to Soobin _extra_ close.

Trust me, I tried to smile. I tried to be happy on Soobin’s birthday, but I couldn’t help the envy corrupting my being.

I could never be jealous because that’s what you feel towards having something you love stolen.

Rather, I felt envious— because I could never have Soobin anyway… he was already wrapped around Beomgyu’s finger.

**_  
That should be me  
Makin' you laugh_ **

“Do you wanna transfer tables?” Yeonjun whispered in my ear while the _lovebirds_ were feeding each other slices of pizza.

“No need, hyung I can handle it.” _Lie._

“Kai, are you okay?” Soobin took his attention away from Beomgyu, who pouted at his action.

“Yes, hyung. I’m fine,” _Lie._

“Why wouldn’t I be?” _Why can’t you just see that I’m in love with you for once?_

“Yeah, Soobinnie~ he’s fine, _why wouldn’t he be?_ ” Beomgyu repeated my words, urging Soobin to find truth in them.

Soobin shrugged and turned to Beomgyu too quickly, causing the pizza he held to accidentally smear his cheek with tomato sauce.

I expected Soobin to at least get annoyed at Beomgyu for it, but he didn’t.

Instead, he _laughed._ With the widest of his smiles, he took a tissue and rid his own face of the sauce.

Beomgyu swiped his finger on the icing of Soobin’s chocolate cake that _I_ bought for him, and wiped it over his forehead.

It was cute, really. If only I was interested in someone else, maybe I would tease Soobin about this, too. Maybe this wouldn’t hurt as much. 

**_That should be me  
This is so sad._ **

Finally, after hours, the party ended. Yeonjun insisted he accompany me home, but I refused. I waited long enough to give Soobin my gift.

Beomgyu was currently on his phone, probably calling their driver to fetch them. Now was the right time to approach Soobin, surely.

“Soobin-hyung?” I tapped his shoulder.

He turned and smiled at me, “Kai?”

“Happy birthday,” I said as I secured a bracelet around his wrist. It was black and had a penguin symbol dangling from it. I had a similar one at home, only, mine was a bunny.

“Oh… thank you,” Soobin’s eyes sparkled, and my heart fluttered.

He briefly inspected the bracelet.

“It isn’t a couple bracelet, is it?” Beomgyu came, eyes scrutinizing both me and his boyfriend.

It almost was…, I intended on give it to him on the night I nearly confessed to him.

“No,” I said defensively, “It’s a… friendship bracelet.”

Call me delusional, but I think I saw Soobin’s smile drop.

“That’s great then, our ride’s outside, Soobinnie~”

~

**_That should be me  
That should be me_ **

“Hyungs, it _hurts,_ it hurts so damn much, how does it stop?!”

I don’t know how it happened, but somehow, Taehyun, Yeonjun and I ended up drinking in Yeonjun-hyung’s apartment.

Yeonjun insisted we talk it out, but when Taehyun saw a bottle of alcohol in Yeonjun’s cupboard, he knew they would inevitably drink their problems away.

“It doesn’t stop, Kai, it only gets worse, only worse until it the pain drowns you alive,” Taehyun was also a sobbing mess at this point.

“A hangover will also probably kill us, but sure, heartbreak is worse,” Yeonjun said. Only he had some sobriety left, he only drank a shot, thankfully.

Yeonjun stood up from where we were sprawled on the floor of his room and took away the half-empty bottle.

“ _Hyung,_ ” both Tae and I whined.

“That’s enough drinking, you guys need to rest.”

“ _But hyung,_ ” I insisted.

“No, Kai. That’s enough, your parents would murder me if they find out I let you guys get _this_ drunk.”

I noticed Taehyun was already passed out.

“Okay.”

“You guys can crash here tonight I’ll sleep on the sofa, there’s no way in hell I’m letting your drunk asses out in the streets.”

I forced my legs to stand up, my vision wavy. I hooked Tae’s arms and hauled him up onto the empty bed. As I did so, Tae’s phone slipped from his pocket. It hit the floor with a thump.

I didn’t mean to snoop, but when Tae’s phone vibrated with a text, I couldn’t help reading it.

 **Eomma:** Tae, where are you, we’re worried.

Taehyun could explain tomorrow… what caught my attention was his lockscreen.

It was of him and Beomgyu.

Who was I to judge? I still kept a polaroid picture of both Soobin and I.

No wonder both of us found it hard to move on: We were both terrible at it.

**_That should be me  
Feelin' your kiss_ **

**SooBread:** kai omfg wake up

 **Hyukai:** hm?

 **SooBread:** beomgyu finally kissed me omfg I’m freaking out,, I mean, it’s about time, right?

Was he sharing this with me on purpose just to hurt me?

 **SooBread:** kai?????? Uhm help me out here I’m dying

No, Soobin, _I’m_ dying.

I wanted to throw away my phone.

If only I wasn’t hoping for Soobin to reciprocate my feelings, I could’ve changed my number and cut him out from my life already.

I could imagine Soobin smiling in front of his phone, smiling not because of me—but because of Beomgyu.

I’m tired of this. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have sleepless nights, crying my eyes out missing _him._

**_That should be me  
Buyin' you gifts _ **

I didn’t usually want escape my feelings, but right now I wanted to storm out and go to Maldives. Apparently, Beomgyu’s birthday bash for Soobin still wasn’t over.

Beomgyu was _yet again,_ in Yeonjun’s words, “ _Making the majority of the world feel poor_.”

Right after our last period class, Beomgyu, who was from a different college, stepped in with a huge bouquet of roses and a full on _orchestra_ trailing behind him.

The band played Soobin’s favorite song—the one I would blast on full volume when he was under the weather.

I could’ve been fine with Beomgyu’s harmonious and deep voice filling the room. Could’ve been fine with Soobin hugging the bouquet close to his heart.

Could’ve been fine with the kiss they shared in front of me and the entire class.

What Beomgyu did, _what Soobin let him do,_ after was what brought pain to every inch of my being.

Beomgyu removed the bracelet I gifted Soobin the other day, replacing it with his _own gold-plated jewelry_ with their initials on it _._

**_This is so wrong  
I can't go on_ **

I got up from my seat and exited the room, what Beomgyu was doing was too much.

I expected Soobin to run after me, to at least show some concern, but he didn’t.

_Why would he?_

**_'Til you believe that  
That should be me_ **

_“Hyung, how can I tell him?”_ I asked Yeonjun over the phone. He always gave the best advices, and that’s why I chose to talk to him tonight.

“Just tell him. It doesn’t matter _how,_ if he truly cares about you, he would be concerned either way.”

“I don’t even wanna go, I don’t want to leave you guys, all my life I’ve lived in Seoul--”

“Sometimes change is healthy. Besides, you’re not leaving anyone, you can always come back and visit,” Yeonjun said, “And maybe… try to find someone new while you’re in America?”

Kai looked down at where he held the polaroid picture of him and Soobin.

“Huening-ah?”

“Yeah..., yeah, hyung… I will.”

~

**_You said you needed a little time  
For my mistakes_ **

“Why are you talking like it’s _my_ fault, Soobin?”

“Dropping the honorifics now? _Wow,_ Beomgyu was right.”

Of course, I should have seen this coming. Soobin was blinded with his love for Beomgyu, _of course_ everything Beomgyu would tell him would be _right._

“Do I have to remind you?” I snapped, it took all my will power to refrain from throwing the plushie I was holding to his face.

“I thought we were friends! You _let_ him remove the bracelet in front of my fucking face!”

I was shocked, I never swore unless I was truly angry.

Maybe I was angry at myself for letting Yeonjun-hyung invite both Soobin and I to his apartment to ‘sort things out’. Maybe I was mad at myself for messing it up, no, I was mad at _Soobin_ for treating me like this.

Soobin looked at me with wide eyes. “Hyuka--”

“Don’t you _fucking_ dare call me that! Stop messing with me Choi Soobin!” I threw the plush rabbit from my grasp, and started to run my hands through my hair.

“I mean— _seriously,_ one moment you’re cuddling up to me, calling me names I _love so much,_ then you ditch me for _Beomgyu,_ then you start blaming me for things that aren’t even my fault!”

Now, I was wishing Yeonjun stayed to at least act as a referee.

“Beomgyu was right, you _are_ pathetic. I should never have invited you to my birthday,” Soobin sneered.

That _moneyface_ has totally brainwashed my gum.

“ _Beomgyu, Beomgyu!_ I guess _Beomgyu_ would _ecstatic_ to know I’m leaving Seoul!”

 _Woah._ It was _not_ supposed to come out that way.

The rage hasn’t left my body yet, I could tell because I was still trembling.

Soobin’s arms fell and framed his tall figure. His back slumped in a sudden change of emotion.

“You’re… _what?_ ”

“I’m leaving Korea to continue my studies in the U.S.”

I didn’t know what to make of Soobin’s silence, so I left Yeonjun’s apartment without a word.

_Are you happy now?_

**_It's funny how you use that time  
To have me replaced_ **

I was due to leave tomorrow. A sudden transfer in the middle of the school year wouldn’t fit well with applications, but I could handle it.

At least I would be away from Soobin.

“He just nicknamed Beomgyu as both his sweetheart and best friend,” Taehyun said. We were both at the children’s park again.

“That used to be me,” Taehyun sighed.

**_Did you think that I wouldn't see you out at the movies?  
What you doin' to me?  
You're takin' him where we used to go  
Now if you're tryna break my heart  
It's working 'cause you know that_ **

“Soobin’s disowned me since he let Beomgyu take off the bracelet and forgot our movie. I kind of saw it coming.”

The little children swung each other on the swings. Some were playing tag, the crisp sound of leaves under their shoes overlapping with their laughs.

I felt the burden on my shoulders lessen. Maybe I would eventually recover once I settle in the States.

“What do you plan to do after college?” I asked Taehyun.

“Maybe I’d assist Yeonjun-hyung more with his stuff while I find a job. Meanwhile, Kai… I think it would be better if you leave everything about him here.”

_Perhaps._

**_I need to know, should I fight for love or disarm?  
It's getting harder to shield this pain in my heart_ **

I was silly to think that I would experience a movie-like romance. Silly to think that Soobin would rush to me last-minute in the airport and beg me to stay.

“He’s not coming is he?” I muttered as I gathered my things after the speakers announced the last call for the flight.

Taehyun looked at me sympathetically.

“If he dares show his face, I’ll shove him off to a flight to Antarctica,” Yeonjun said, eyes gentle despite his snarky tone.

“You’ll visit soon, right?” Taehyun said, looking like he was about to burst into tears.

I engulfed bot Yeonjun and Taehyun in a group hug.

“I must be going now,” I said. They nodded as I made my way towards the queue.

“ _Wait! Kai!_ ”

Soobin.

I was instantly wrapped in a very familiar hug. It’s been a while since he’s hugged me like this.

“Kai, I’m so so sorry…”

I gently moved away from him and looked him in the eyes.

_Kai… I think it would be better if you leave everything about him here._

“Soobin-hyung, I’m sorry too.”

“Why are you apologizing? Kai, I was an idiot.”

I took out the polaroid picture of us which still rested snuggly within my wallet.

“Here’s everything you need to know.”

**_This is so wrong  
I can't go on  
'Til you believe that  
That should be me_ **

At the back of the polaroid was a short message. I may have gone overboard with it, but all I wanted was for Soobin to know that I was sorry for loving him.

Sorry for seeing him as more than a friend.

As I stared blankly at the clouds that grazed the airplane’s exterior. I was probably so far away from Soobin. Not that it was new, our hearts were kilometers away even when we were sitting right next to each other.

_Maybe in another life. Maybe destiny could get itself together by then._

_**Never should've let you go** _   
_**I never should've let you go** _   
_**That should be me** _

Five years later, I’ve decided to go back to Seoul. Both Yeonjun and Taehyun were excited, they nearly fought each other because Taehyun spoiled Yeonjun’s _Welcome Back Party_ for me. 

I stepped out at the airport’s reception, seeing the familiar autumn season I’ve missed so much through the glass windows.

I wished to every god I wouldn’t see Soobin.

But, destiny really was messed up. The world never works the way we want it to.

There were many families reuniting by the end of the escalator. Amidst the welcoming voices and happy tears, I felt an arm grab my sleeve.

There was… a black penguin bracelet around the person’s wrist.

_“Hyuka, I knew you’d come back.”_

**Author's Note:**

> aaakkk that was a ride,,, it hurt to write that,,, my sookai hearteu,,
> 
> leave kudos and comments aaakk- they're greatly appreciated ily guys so much i'm sorry i had to hurt u this way (also may or may not write a part 2 for this)


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